Dads

It’s not news that moms may have a tougher time finding work if they’ve taken extended time off to raise their kids. Now, however, stay-at-home dads are feeling the pinch. To the work world, time away is just as – perhaps more – detrimental for a man than for a woman.

Just a generation ago – when my own child, CollegeBoy, was growing up — the stay-at-home dad (Mr. Mom as he was known then) was a true anomaly. Yet in 2009, a record 7.4% of fathers in married-couple families with children under 18 were home while their wives worked, according to unpublished Bureau of Labor Statistics data cited in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal article on this subject.

According to the story, stay-at-home dads “face a bigger stigma” among potential employers than stay-at-home moms. Dads who are attempting to return in the wake of the recession are feeling the impact big-time when competing for what positions exist, as it was primarily jobs held by men that were eliminated – leading to what some have labeled a “he –cession.”

How do you feel about dads leaving work to stay home with their kids? Do you feel that it’s only fair that dads take a turn – or do you feel it’s moms’ responsibility? When SHOULD it be the husband and not the wife who makes the move home? And do you think it’s acceptable for employers to think less of a man for taking time off to care for his kids – even if their logic is that as a result he is behind his peers on current industry knowledge, skills and contacts?

According to a recent study by Ohio State University, women are more likely than men to follow the parenting practices of their mothers. As a result, “We really need to learn a lot more about how fathers learn to parent,” said study co-author Jonathan Vespa.

More than 1,000 young parents were chosen from a  group whose own parents had participated in a nationwide survey initiated in 1979. For the three behaviors researched — spanking children, giving physical affection/praise, and reading to children — women closely followed what their mother did, while men did not.

 The researchers also discovered significant changes in behaviors among this generation vs. the previous one, with parenting today involving much more reading and affection to children and less spanking.

What parenting approaches will today’s young boys pick up from their mothers — and what from their dads? And should companies be developing products and services that tie into these different choices?

Some time back, I blogged about a poll conducted by Parenting magazine that indicated many moms were fed up with their husbands. More recently, there was an interesting segment on NPR radio on how moms and dads evaluate their roles, and the resulting tension that can produce between them.

Referring to the Parenting poll, Jeremy Adam Smith, author of “The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family,” said that anger arises when working parents compare themselves to others. “The mom is measuring the dad against other dads, and the dad is measuring himself against other dads, and that can create feelings of inadequacy and anger.”

Lisa Belkin, author of The New York Times Motherlode blog, added, “I think that women are measuring themselves against both their mothers and their fathers. They are doing their mom’s job and they’re doing dad’s job. If they are working outside the home and bringing in an income, they’re their fathers. And then they come home and they feel this obligation to be their old-fashioned mother…and then you’ve got dad who’s comparing himself to his dad, and he’s feeling pretty good about it. But mom’s looking over at him and saying, ‘yeah, but I’m still chasing two role models here,’ and there’s a lot of anger.”

Readers, what do you think?

Many of my recent blogs have dealt with the growing role dads play in parenting. An article in yesterday’s New York Times supported those observations. It talked about how play classes originally designed for moms and their babies are suddenly being populated by more and more dads. At one site in New York City, the trend was so apparent that the class name was changed from Mommy and Baby to Parent and Baby. The director of another group noted that on the rare occasions when dads showed up in the past, they were so uncomfortable as the only dad among moms that they rarely returned. As the article puts it, however, “Now the men have reached critical mass.”

The changes here are motivated by the same factors I’ve noted in previous posts: a greater focus on participation among this generation of fathers, and the economy that is sending many of them home.

The big questions: Once the recession recedes and many of these dads go back to work, will they also return to more traditional parenting roles? Or will they still make time for baby-and-me classes, blog posts about the trials and joys of fatherhood, and getting together with other dads and their kids for fun and bonding?

I hope so. Moms AND Dads – what do you think will happen?

For more, visit Who’s That with Baby at the Y? Why, It’s Daddy.

In my recent post, Are Dads the New Moms?, I discussed the growing numbers of “daddy” bloggers. 

In some cases, these dad bloggers are married to established mom bloggers – and have noticed that their wives have been getting all the attention.  I recently had the opportunity to connect with Royal from A Few Fries Short , whose wife is Toni-Lynn of the Grocery Price Blog. He shared his thoughts on being a dad blogger.

Do you think we are going to see a rise in the number of dad bloggers?

My gut instinct tells me yes.  I see a blog as more than just a journal.  It is becoming more of a social interaction.  We have a few friends we do things with, but many more that we have met online.  In my case, I don’t really go out with the guys.  I come home and want to spend time with my family. Now it is 7:30 on a Friday night, our oldest is playing the Wii, the 2 year old is in his crib and my wife and I  are sitting at our laptops together.  Even though we are all not doing the same exact thing, we are together as a family.  I do believe that men will realize that they don’t have to sit at a bar to have their man time.  They can be home with their family and get ‘out with the boys’ at the same time.

How would you like to see marketers interact with Dad bloggers?

I think marketers could find a great way to interact with dads. Every dad is going to have or want the newest golf clubs, the best yard equipment and they will always be trying to one up each other.  I can see their Twitter parties getting out of control and being a riot.  I get really excited about what my wife considers to be the dumbest things.  The other day, I spent the longest time at a store, just looking over different in-ground sprinkler heads. I also got a free cedar wood privacy fence. With the help of my brother-in-law, we tore it apart and made a new, better fence of it.  I actually blogged about this one already on my website.

 Dad may have had his Day on Sunday, but he is also experiencing an extended paternal moment. Whether by choice or circumstance, more dads are finding themselves increasingly responsible for daily parenting.

 In response, they are making a place for themselves in what has traditionally been “mom” territory. In growing numbers, they are creating dads-only playgroups, launching “daddy” blogs and posting parenting tips on Twitter.

This younger generation of dads is naturally more inclined to be involved with child-rearing than those before them—to many fathers today, sharing parenting responsibility is the norm rather than the exception. Working mothers expect it. Telecommuting and workplace flexibility have enabled it. And right now, the Recession is making it almost inevitable. There are more men out of work than women, making many working wives the family’s sole wage earner and even sending stay-at-home moms back to the workforce. Moms who are already working are sometimes putting in longer hours or taking on a second job to make ends meet – leaving little time for parenting tasks. With family income diminished, outside child care often becomes a luxury of the past.

For these reasons, some men are finding themselves chief caregiver for the first time in their lives – a fact that smart marketers who once exclusively targeted moms must recognize and respond to. Along with responsibility for changing diapers comes deciding which brand to buy.

How are dads responding to their new status?

Between taking on new at-home responsibilities and dealing in many cases with the loss of their work identities, they are turning to other dads in similar situations for support and advice on how to cope with both scenarios.

• Playgroups. It’s awkward for dads to be the only guy in a group designed for moms. In response, they’ve begun forming their own support/playgroups. With their charges in tow, they’re connecting not just in playgrounds, zoos and other kid-friendly locations, but also on sports fields, where they enjoy quality time with their little ones while also exchanging parenting tips and sometimes, job hunting experiences and advice. The web site Meet-up.com lists 171 dads groups across the country. 

·       Blogs. Mom blogs have been receiving a lot of attention of late. Now, Dads are getting into the act, blogging as another way to share their experiences and connect with other dads. While their numbers are small in comparison to their partners’, daddy bloggers are making their presence known. At Child’s Play Communications, where we’ve managed mommy blogger programs for some time, we are suddenly hearing from dad bloggers asking to join our review network – to the degree that we’re about to launch a separate Digital Dads group. On blogs, dads, like their female counterparts, talk about everything from potty training to politics – with a bit more emphasis, perhaps, on kids’ sports, the latest tech gadgets and in at least one case, the merits of different brands of beer. “You’re used to networking within your profession and now you’re isolated at home,” said Ron Mattocks of Clark Kent’s Lunchbox, whose tagline is, Daddy’s lost his job – now he’s got a blog. “There are a lot of guys out there trying to understand that and trying to reconcile that new role.” Dadlabs.com posts product reviews, while Daddytude describes itself as a journey with a not-so-perfect dad. Daddy Dialectic is a group blog by and about dads who “embrace caregiving and egalitarian relationships.” Some of these dads and many others can also be found on Twitter.   

•  Conferences. Yes, there is even an at-home dads’ convention, scheduled for October.

While moms still remain responsible for the vast majority of household purchasing decisions, today’s dads are increasingly having their say. Companies targeting families may want to consider reaching out to Dad bloggers and tweeters, establishing a presence on social networking sites, sponsoring playgroups and otherwise recognizing that father’s day is far from over.