This one’s for the moms.
Just caught Oprah’s segment on the dirty little secrets of motherhood – what nobody tells you, what moms don’t like about parenting, and what they do to cope. Moms talked about everything from barely getting a chance to shower to making full meals for their kids from snacks found in the car, to experiencing the trauma of buying their first minivan. One of the speakers likened motherhood to a secret society whose details no one tells you because otherwise you wouldn’t join. Motherhood, they agreed, is overwhelming and 24/7 – no rest here for the weary.
Mothers admitted that they are hard on themselves, often because they are insecure about the choices they make. Despite the tremendous amount of advice on parenting offered by magazines and on the Internet, moms often feel totally on their own.
Said one, “I completely believed that I was the only woman in the history of time who did not have the maternal gene, and I thought I was completely alone.”
Said another, “I didn’t feel I had permission to talk about how hard motherhood really was.”
The conclusion of the show: Moms need to be honest and support each other.
Moms, agree/disagree? What has been your own experience? What did you not know? What would you tell other moms-to-be?
I agree completely. I’ve always been up front about how much being a parent to preschoolers absolutely blows, but always get responses like, “Don’t wish it away…”
Please. If I could go back to before I had kids there are so many things I’d want to do when I was young and still looked passable in a bathing suit I may have never HAD kids.
I like my kids, don’t get me wrong, but I find the more they act like humans and the less they act like little raving lunatics it’s easier to like them. Love? Well, they have these cute little smiles…(even if they are sometimes evil smiles…)
I agree with the fact that moms need to support each other. Mothering IS a difficult job, and we shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help when we need it. If someone offers to make you a meal or help you with laundry – take them up on it! Don’t put on the “Super Mom” persona and try to do it all yourself. You’ll run yourself into the ground.
I wish that someone had told me how judgmental people would be about my parenting choices. I have a large family, and I constantly hear that people never would have had that many kids. We homeschool – people judge about that, too. I nurse my baby – I get judged for that, too. I vaccinate all of my children – and I get judged for it too. I named one of our sons Zander, and I got nothing but crap from people about that. I just wish I had been a little more prepared about how mean people can be.
I love being a mom, and even though it is – by far! – the most demanding job I have ever had, I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. I am so blessed and choose to be thankful for what I have rather than complain about everything I could have if I didn’t have kids.
I thought the Oprah was terrible. I thought it was a bunch of people whining with nothing constructive to say. I even wrote a whole post about it-
http://jodifur.com/2009/04/why-i-think-oprah-was-wrong.html
I LOVE hearing back on this topic. It’s clearly one that mothers feel strongly about.
Angie, I think you really summed it up beautifully: Mothering IS a difficult job — no doubt about it. At the same time, to me it has always been the best job in the world — and one that I am ever grateful to have (Hey, CollegeBoy, are you listening? Call me!). I also feel that perfection is not the human state — that yes, we really should try hard to be the best moms we can be, but shouldn’t beat ourselves up for our failings. As you said, taking help when it’s offered is healthy for everyone. And by the way, that “judgmental” thing has been around as far back as I can remember — I can’t believe that, after a generation, working moms and stay at home moms, e.g., are still not at a point where they can fully respect each other’s choices. And your point about not changing a thing — same here, and that’s AFTER enduring his teen years!